put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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