thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
