I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
