Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
