Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
