I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We have started to decorate penises.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
