I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
