9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Randomize
