Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
