it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
this just has baby written all over it
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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