did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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