Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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