Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
