i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
