i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
