My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
