Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
