Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
