There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
