My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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