Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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