He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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