and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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