You made me cry and you don't even care
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
