I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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