I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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