don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
