im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
