I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
