so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
