Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
We need to rekindle our bromance
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
