I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
