I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
