I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
