if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
