Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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