Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
