so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
