i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Randomize
