just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
