Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Randomize
