thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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