how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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