You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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