If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I have fence marks all over my body
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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