Need sex. Gaining weight.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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