Define "chronic" masturbator.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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