well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
