it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Randomize
