Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
how do you play pong handcuffed?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
