You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
